Proverbs 4:23 (HCSB)
Guard your heart above all else,
for it is the source of life.
I don't believe most things happen in an instant. In the case of the changes from positive to negative, I would have to say the song "Slow Fade" comes to mind.
I used to be a very positive person who somehow was able to still dwell on the negative. It was like, " Well xyz happened but I am still kickin. Nothing good seems to happen I hope for the best but I am prepared for the worst...and I usually get the worst." After hearing others say I was a negative person I evaluated my life and began to make some changes that in time lead to me giving my life to Christ, at which point the positive changes continued.
Somewhere along the road though, I was emotionally injured and the old self I had died to, was slowly coming back from the dead and knocking on the door to my thoughts. Living in a damaged state for so long, it was hard to overcome what had just happened and then more happened...and more and more and so on. Before I knew it I had opened the door to let dead me back in and my thought life became very ugly. I fought the thoughts daily but it was hard to win. It got to the point where I had to have others tell me to pray because I had forgotten that was what I used to do several times a day and never had these issues then. Feeling like a simpleton, I began to pray but it wasn't long before old me was reminding me of all the hurt I had been through and what I was still going through and again fight as I may, I still lost out to old me. Again a friend would say, something about being in His Word and praying and I was again like "duhhh" why am I not remembering this...it is soooo easy to do and I would once again dig in.
By this time the enemy knew so well how to pull me out of my study time and prayer time it was almost impossible to stay focused. After so much pain and loss I realized three years had passed and I was so far gone. The woman I became when I gave my life to Christ was nowhere to be found. I had grown in many ways but my attitude was horrible. The things I let come out of my mouth were like daggers to my heart...I was not that person. Those were not words that belonged to THIS heart!!!
Sadly those words DID in fact belong to this heart, they just did not belong where I was applying them. I had walled myself in from all the hurtful things that happened and kept happening and the emotions from those things were trying to escape any way they could. I felt out of control and it seemed as if everyone else was so in control of their lives and they all could see my mess and were judging me. That thought process brought out a lot more issues to over come.
I sat wondering where the old me went and how did this all happen. Then I heard someone mention something that happened three years ago and it was like a movie montage rushed through my mind in reverse and took me right to the moment I gave up and let the enemy take up a nice beachfront condo in my mind. At the front of every thought was something negative. "You could be doing ____ right now but, _____ happened." and many more thoughts like this, always about how I had been cheated out of something good. Bitterness grew and pain burned deeply. I felt alone. I tried many times to reapply myself back to the life I had lived when things were going well...to no avail. I was defeated and I did not know how to overcome anymore. Trying to read the Bible ended in interruption, time and time again. Trying to start a Bible study fell flat on it's face.
I had to begin with what little I could get done. If is was just to pray the basic Lord's prayer than that is what I did. If the thoughts came back about all I had lost, I would stop what I was doing and do something different and turn on praise music and say to myself something opposite of the negative that was rushing in. Little by little I started to gain back some good ground. I know that what I have been through and what I am going through is not in vain. I know there is great growth coming from this learning experience I allowed by letting the hurt control me. God takes my mistakes and patiently guides me through them and then uses what I have been through to help others, and to remind me when needed just where I have been and how I got out.
I am not completely out of the wilderness, but I am heading in the right direction and God is my guide. I continue to shut out the negative and pour on and in the good. I will always remember that the enemy usually doesn't win in an instant, it is a slow timely process as to deceive so we are unaware it is even happening till one day we are in a dark place and don't know how we got there. I never lost who my Savior is, but I had forgotten what all He saves us from and all of His benefits. "I'm trading my sorrow, I'm trading my shame. I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord..."
Friday, June 19, 2015
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Forgive us for we know not what we do...
[ Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, because they do not know what they are doing.”] And they divided His clothes and cast lots.
Jesus asked the Father to forgive the men who were casting lots for His clothing, for hanging Him on the cross, for the severe unthinkable punishment they inflicted upon Him...He died on the cross for ALL of us so that we may be forgiven for our sins and not suffer the cross ourselves, so we could have a real relationship with God and so we could live in eternity with Him if we so choose.
I have had to say this quote of Jesus' many times as I realize people must truly NOT know what they are doing or else they would not do it. I know they may think they know and we may be sure their intent is to inflict pain...but if they fully knew the depth of their action, unless ill, they would not do what they are doing.
I am a person who believes there is good in everyone. I have seen and been victim to some very evil things in my life. Through this pain I have gone through most the "normal" steps of grief and in time have gone on to forgive. Becoming a Christian did not make forgiveness easier in the pain department but I understood the reasons behind the need to forgive and that forgiveness doesn't mean we welcome the offender back into our lives and allow them to hurt us again.
Living most of my adult life as a believer in a god I created, I hurt so many people mostly unintentionally though I know they and others would never believe that because the things I did were so hurtful and seemingly cold and selfish. I am not saying they are wrong, on the outside they are so right, but my inside was not meaning for that to present the way it did.
I read some really hateful and hurtful things from believers in the One true God. When I read them I say Luke 23:34. If they knew how they sounded and the meat of the matter they should have hearts of compassion and repent of what they said...I know I have. I was so fired up about a topic and I had been belittled so often over the topic I stopped realizing how I looked to others as I posted things and said hurtful words to those who were not doing as I did. When a few people I love said something to me about what I was saying I was floored... I DID say those things and it WAS put out there in a hurtful manner. I couldn't take it back and I was under such condemnation for a mistake I know I made for at least 4years of my Christian life. I had to keep telling myself " Anyone who truly knows me, knows I may have been grossly off to say what I did but they also know that is not who I am. I repented to God and publicly and I had to walk away from all of it. If I had stayed focused on what I did...as the enemy wanted...I would have been rendered useless because I had thoughts of " How can I be used of God when I said that???" Well Paul was one of the greatest and he had been a murderer...sooooo...I think I can still be used.
Having lived a life of so many public mistakes before and after giving my life to Christ and knowing who I truly am inside, has given me such great compassion for so many. Having great compassion makes me hurt in my heart quite often as I see others misjudged, and I am still under that same judgement from people as well. I have read comments from Christians like " 'Only God can judge me' means ' I know what is wrong and I still don't care.' " Okay sure maybe for some...but for most it means " You aren't me, you haven't lived the life I have an no matter how hard your life is you still don't know how you would react or what you would do if you were me!"
Let me give you the shortest wrong judgement that was placed on me by people I no longer know. I was 26 years old and working my way up the ladder at work. In my personal life by this age I had been in abusive relationships and used by many people. There are too many details to this to list. At work I had been sexually harassed many times but always felt that I could handle it and I let it go and told no one, until the day two younger girls came into the office and wanted to file a sexual harassment complaint against one of the same men who had harassed me in the past. It then dawned on me that it WASN'T about me. Had I turned the guy in when he harassed me, he would not have been there to harass these two girls and that harassment didn't have to be part of their life. I vowed to turn in my complaints in the future. Flash forward I am in my office, I was the head of asset protection so my office was the security room...it had no window. I was in the office with another manager, it happened quite often as I ran the cameras too and often they wanted me to see what the employees in their area had done. This time when I was going home I got up and so did the other manager, they went to open the door for me...so I thought but instead they stood in front of it. Scared I went into my own personal survival mode. I was married and did not want anything to happen to me that would jeopardize my marriage so I started with laughing to give the harasser a chance to be like " oh yah...just kidding." but this just made their whole demeaner change and it was like I was looking at a monster, the person looked so different. I then pointed at the video screen to show there are cameras in my office, and they then made me aware they had already looked and saw where they would be safe to stand off camera. I panicked, no one will look for me, I am the manager that no one sees! I then went to flattery. " You are the kind of person I would want to be with but I am married and I will not do that to my husband." nothing they weren't moving an inch. " I thought you were attractive right away, but I could never act on anything because I am married." still they didn't budge and kept persisting. Finally I said no again but promised not to tell. After a million promises they allowed me to leave but I was told I could not go to the back of the store I had to exit through the front. So I did. I had a hard decision to make, keep the promise and risk the same thing happening again to me or others, or tell and risk being harmed because this would be a career ender and a family destroyer for this person. I had to tell the truth. After I told the truth a woman judged me, " I see you smiling on camera...Why would you smile if you are scared???" Spoken like a person who has never been cornered by a man before. I explained myself only to get the " Uh huh" like "sure, right". I was asked why I didn't run for the phone or hit him or fight...No one knew where I came from, no one knew my past. Maybe this woman would have ran for the phone, maybe another would have kneed him and tried to push him out of the way, but I was thinking..."just make him think it is okay and you'll make it out." I did make it out, untouched. But my husband at the time still judged me, the investigating managers judged me and it leaked to the other men in the store and they all made jokes about watching what they said around me or they may get brought up for sexual harassment...I was the joke. I was because no one knew what happened and where I came from. They could not imagine what it would be like to have been ME in there. The manager who got fired friends were head hunters...out for my head, after the day I turned him in and it wasn't long before I lost my career too. A high price to pay but no other girl in at least that company had to go through what I did.
So when I read or hear about people judging others it hurts in a deeper way because I can identify with how off judgement can be. Judgement can be smaller too. I recently read some comments about people posting the "if you're my friend" posts on FB. I personally don't care for them as to post them myself, but I don't see them as threats either. The people I have as friends would not threaten me with loss of friendship "if". What I see is someone either wanting to have fun as some of these ask that the person write something made up below in comments, some may just feel alone that day and think I wonder if anyone really DOES care, so they post hoping to be encouraged, another may do it because a friend posted and they commented on their post so they felt it wrong not to share the post as suggested. etc. The possibilities are endless to the reasons why, but I do know most people are good hearted, just a lot are also hurting. Maybe they did want to say " If you're my friend you will comment and repost this". Maybe they did sit back and think "anyone who doesn't respond is off my friends list. But maybe also they believe no one cares because in their private life there has been so much pain and they have not felt many people care for them, maybe their feelings of alone are unfounded but they still feel that way...Maybe they need more from the "Christian's" around them. I also understand that people who are upset by these may also be coming from a place of personal experience with people truly meaning "if you're really my friend...".
Now the cynical Christians(shouldn't have those) would say. We are supposed to seek God, Jesus alone is sufficient for us all....okay you go through a life threatening illness on your own without love and support from others. Go ahead...Jesus is enough, you said it yourself. The truth is JESUS IS enough, He is more than enough, but not all of us are at that point. We are supposed to encourage and edify each other...not beat down, judge and abandon because we think they should have gotten that Jesus is enough by now... Oh oh sad it is to think this is how so many of the body treat each other, let alone those we are supposed to be a witness to :( I by no means am perfect, what I do realize though is that I am NOT, and that I need to self evaluate and pray for His eyes, His ears, His wisdom, etc. Less of me and more...so much more of Him.
Dear Lord God, heavenly Father seated high, Lord above all lords, King above all kings, pour out all that You are in to us, take all that we are not and help us to do as You would do and be as You are. Help us to stop our self righteous judgements and be filled with godly compassion for all we come in contact with. Let us hear You and pause to listen to You before we speak or type. Let us not be quick to laugh at and judge but let us be quick to encourage and hug. We ask this of You and we thank You in Jesus' name, amen.
Jesus asked the Father to forgive the men who were casting lots for His clothing, for hanging Him on the cross, for the severe unthinkable punishment they inflicted upon Him...He died on the cross for ALL of us so that we may be forgiven for our sins and not suffer the cross ourselves, so we could have a real relationship with God and so we could live in eternity with Him if we so choose.
I have had to say this quote of Jesus' many times as I realize people must truly NOT know what they are doing or else they would not do it. I know they may think they know and we may be sure their intent is to inflict pain...but if they fully knew the depth of their action, unless ill, they would not do what they are doing.
I am a person who believes there is good in everyone. I have seen and been victim to some very evil things in my life. Through this pain I have gone through most the "normal" steps of grief and in time have gone on to forgive. Becoming a Christian did not make forgiveness easier in the pain department but I understood the reasons behind the need to forgive and that forgiveness doesn't mean we welcome the offender back into our lives and allow them to hurt us again.
Living most of my adult life as a believer in a god I created, I hurt so many people mostly unintentionally though I know they and others would never believe that because the things I did were so hurtful and seemingly cold and selfish. I am not saying they are wrong, on the outside they are so right, but my inside was not meaning for that to present the way it did.
I read some really hateful and hurtful things from believers in the One true God. When I read them I say Luke 23:34. If they knew how they sounded and the meat of the matter they should have hearts of compassion and repent of what they said...I know I have. I was so fired up about a topic and I had been belittled so often over the topic I stopped realizing how I looked to others as I posted things and said hurtful words to those who were not doing as I did. When a few people I love said something to me about what I was saying I was floored... I DID say those things and it WAS put out there in a hurtful manner. I couldn't take it back and I was under such condemnation for a mistake I know I made for at least 4years of my Christian life. I had to keep telling myself " Anyone who truly knows me, knows I may have been grossly off to say what I did but they also know that is not who I am. I repented to God and publicly and I had to walk away from all of it. If I had stayed focused on what I did...as the enemy wanted...I would have been rendered useless because I had thoughts of " How can I be used of God when I said that???" Well Paul was one of the greatest and he had been a murderer...sooooo...I think I can still be used.
Having lived a life of so many public mistakes before and after giving my life to Christ and knowing who I truly am inside, has given me such great compassion for so many. Having great compassion makes me hurt in my heart quite often as I see others misjudged, and I am still under that same judgement from people as well. I have read comments from Christians like " 'Only God can judge me' means ' I know what is wrong and I still don't care.' " Okay sure maybe for some...but for most it means " You aren't me, you haven't lived the life I have an no matter how hard your life is you still don't know how you would react or what you would do if you were me!"
Let me give you the shortest wrong judgement that was placed on me by people I no longer know. I was 26 years old and working my way up the ladder at work. In my personal life by this age I had been in abusive relationships and used by many people. There are too many details to this to list. At work I had been sexually harassed many times but always felt that I could handle it and I let it go and told no one, until the day two younger girls came into the office and wanted to file a sexual harassment complaint against one of the same men who had harassed me in the past. It then dawned on me that it WASN'T about me. Had I turned the guy in when he harassed me, he would not have been there to harass these two girls and that harassment didn't have to be part of their life. I vowed to turn in my complaints in the future. Flash forward I am in my office, I was the head of asset protection so my office was the security room...it had no window. I was in the office with another manager, it happened quite often as I ran the cameras too and often they wanted me to see what the employees in their area had done. This time when I was going home I got up and so did the other manager, they went to open the door for me...so I thought but instead they stood in front of it. Scared I went into my own personal survival mode. I was married and did not want anything to happen to me that would jeopardize my marriage so I started with laughing to give the harasser a chance to be like " oh yah...just kidding." but this just made their whole demeaner change and it was like I was looking at a monster, the person looked so different. I then pointed at the video screen to show there are cameras in my office, and they then made me aware they had already looked and saw where they would be safe to stand off camera. I panicked, no one will look for me, I am the manager that no one sees! I then went to flattery. " You are the kind of person I would want to be with but I am married and I will not do that to my husband." nothing they weren't moving an inch. " I thought you were attractive right away, but I could never act on anything because I am married." still they didn't budge and kept persisting. Finally I said no again but promised not to tell. After a million promises they allowed me to leave but I was told I could not go to the back of the store I had to exit through the front. So I did. I had a hard decision to make, keep the promise and risk the same thing happening again to me or others, or tell and risk being harmed because this would be a career ender and a family destroyer for this person. I had to tell the truth. After I told the truth a woman judged me, " I see you smiling on camera...Why would you smile if you are scared???" Spoken like a person who has never been cornered by a man before. I explained myself only to get the " Uh huh" like "sure, right". I was asked why I didn't run for the phone or hit him or fight...No one knew where I came from, no one knew my past. Maybe this woman would have ran for the phone, maybe another would have kneed him and tried to push him out of the way, but I was thinking..."just make him think it is okay and you'll make it out." I did make it out, untouched. But my husband at the time still judged me, the investigating managers judged me and it leaked to the other men in the store and they all made jokes about watching what they said around me or they may get brought up for sexual harassment...I was the joke. I was because no one knew what happened and where I came from. They could not imagine what it would be like to have been ME in there. The manager who got fired friends were head hunters...out for my head, after the day I turned him in and it wasn't long before I lost my career too. A high price to pay but no other girl in at least that company had to go through what I did.
So when I read or hear about people judging others it hurts in a deeper way because I can identify with how off judgement can be. Judgement can be smaller too. I recently read some comments about people posting the "if you're my friend" posts on FB. I personally don't care for them as to post them myself, but I don't see them as threats either. The people I have as friends would not threaten me with loss of friendship "if". What I see is someone either wanting to have fun as some of these ask that the person write something made up below in comments, some may just feel alone that day and think I wonder if anyone really DOES care, so they post hoping to be encouraged, another may do it because a friend posted and they commented on their post so they felt it wrong not to share the post as suggested. etc. The possibilities are endless to the reasons why, but I do know most people are good hearted, just a lot are also hurting. Maybe they did want to say " If you're my friend you will comment and repost this". Maybe they did sit back and think "anyone who doesn't respond is off my friends list. But maybe also they believe no one cares because in their private life there has been so much pain and they have not felt many people care for them, maybe their feelings of alone are unfounded but they still feel that way...Maybe they need more from the "Christian's" around them. I also understand that people who are upset by these may also be coming from a place of personal experience with people truly meaning "if you're really my friend...".
Now the cynical Christians(shouldn't have those) would say. We are supposed to seek God, Jesus alone is sufficient for us all....okay you go through a life threatening illness on your own without love and support from others. Go ahead...Jesus is enough, you said it yourself. The truth is JESUS IS enough, He is more than enough, but not all of us are at that point. We are supposed to encourage and edify each other...not beat down, judge and abandon because we think they should have gotten that Jesus is enough by now... Oh oh sad it is to think this is how so many of the body treat each other, let alone those we are supposed to be a witness to :( I by no means am perfect, what I do realize though is that I am NOT, and that I need to self evaluate and pray for His eyes, His ears, His wisdom, etc. Less of me and more...so much more of Him.
Dear Lord God, heavenly Father seated high, Lord above all lords, King above all kings, pour out all that You are in to us, take all that we are not and help us to do as You would do and be as You are. Help us to stop our self righteous judgements and be filled with godly compassion for all we come in contact with. Let us hear You and pause to listen to You before we speak or type. Let us not be quick to laugh at and judge but let us be quick to encourage and hug. We ask this of You and we thank You in Jesus' name, amen.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
"Show me how to love"
(Now read fully before you get mad) Personally I think we lose many people when we preach sunshine and roses and name it and claim it to the point we have others feeling condemned for not always being a person who says only faith words and always smiles and fights perfect...cause we have all made a mistake. I am not suggesting we throw pity parties and camp out in misery, I am only suggesting we encourage and uplift each other. In a world full of people it is so shocking to hear so many say " I feel alone."
We are not each others Holy Spirit, that being said, we should listen to the Holy Spirit ourselves for the right words to minister to each other. Setting aside our own pain we should minister from a place of love and compassion for their pain. Remembering God IS Love and if we need to understand what Love is like we can read 1 Corinthians 13.
The words to the song I shared the link to, say. " They want to tell me it'll be okay, but that's not what I need right now. Not while my house is burning down." There are some people who do like to hear " It'll be okay." But there are many more that just need a hug or an ear to bend. We don't have to correct people who are in pain of any kind. Compassion and prayer are often far better than any words we could say. Checking in from time to time to be sure all is well, dropping by with something special, just a small " I care" gesture. Just be there when we are needed. I like the words displayed at the beginning of this video, " It's okay to not be okay." Feeling pain doesn't mean we are NOT in faith, Jesus felt pain...was He any less for it? He sweat blood, for what He knew was upon Him, did that mean He wasn't in faith. He is The Son of God, I think that makes it okay for us to be real. If we are afraid someone will fall of the deep end if we don't tell them right away to not let it get to them...then maybe we are the ones who need prayer. If we think that not listening to someone let go of what is holding them down will make their pain disappear or make them "get over it", then we really do need prayer. Jesus still helped the disciples even when they were not in faith and we are His hands and feet, should we not do as He has?
I admit, I am head over heels in love with Jesus! I am by no means perfect which makes me love Him even more. That He loves me so much to do all the things He does daily to show me His love and I just can't imagine not knowing He loves me, I want the world to know He loves them too...don't you?
Lord God, you gifted us to be Your hands and feet, to share the good news of Jesus Christ, in words and in living. Pour out Your Love upon us and may that love fill us from the soles of our feet to the top of our heads and may it run over into everyone we meet . May they see Your love in us and through us and may they be draw to that love and seek You themselves. We seek You and Your ways and ask for Your wisdom and Your truth to flow from us to a lost and hurting world and to our brothers and sisters in need of encouragement. We ask this of you in Jesus name, Amen.
Psalm 119:105
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQGl5Z6-sXA
We are not each others Holy Spirit, that being said, we should listen to the Holy Spirit ourselves for the right words to minister to each other. Setting aside our own pain we should minister from a place of love and compassion for their pain. Remembering God IS Love and if we need to understand what Love is like we can read 1 Corinthians 13.
The words to the song I shared the link to, say. " They want to tell me it'll be okay, but that's not what I need right now. Not while my house is burning down." There are some people who do like to hear " It'll be okay." But there are many more that just need a hug or an ear to bend. We don't have to correct people who are in pain of any kind. Compassion and prayer are often far better than any words we could say. Checking in from time to time to be sure all is well, dropping by with something special, just a small " I care" gesture. Just be there when we are needed. I like the words displayed at the beginning of this video, " It's okay to not be okay." Feeling pain doesn't mean we are NOT in faith, Jesus felt pain...was He any less for it? He sweat blood, for what He knew was upon Him, did that mean He wasn't in faith. He is The Son of God, I think that makes it okay for us to be real. If we are afraid someone will fall of the deep end if we don't tell them right away to not let it get to them...then maybe we are the ones who need prayer. If we think that not listening to someone let go of what is holding them down will make their pain disappear or make them "get over it", then we really do need prayer. Jesus still helped the disciples even when they were not in faith and we are His hands and feet, should we not do as He has?
I admit, I am head over heels in love with Jesus! I am by no means perfect which makes me love Him even more. That He loves me so much to do all the things He does daily to show me His love and I just can't imagine not knowing He loves me, I want the world to know He loves them too...don't you?
Lord God, you gifted us to be Your hands and feet, to share the good news of Jesus Christ, in words and in living. Pour out Your Love upon us and may that love fill us from the soles of our feet to the top of our heads and may it run over into everyone we meet . May they see Your love in us and through us and may they be draw to that love and seek You themselves. We seek You and Your ways and ask for Your wisdom and Your truth to flow from us to a lost and hurting world and to our brothers and sisters in need of encouragement. We ask this of you in Jesus name, Amen.
Psalm 119:105
Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light on my path.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQGl5Z6-sXA
Friday, April 24, 2015
Moment by Moment
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
My personal terrible no good very badday... life... My personal bout with claiming messes I wasn't supposed to claim..and my trying to find out how to get out of them...
My personal terrible no good very bad
I am not sure at what point my life became a daily mix of tiny disasters but somehow it just became that way. It was hard not to catalog every small thing that piled up and caused a depressed young woman who felt miserable and defeated. I used to say I lived my life by "Murphy's Law", what can go wrong will go wrong. I woke each day ready to face whatever mini crisis or crises would be thrown at me. I moaned and complained and shared the misery I faced with others whom did not have these things happen to them, at least not in the constant down pour of them I did. I could not understand WHY ME??? Sure they were not all major or worthy of mentioning but even the little ones were such a nuisance. I was exhausted from "Murphy's Law and from the other hurts and heartaches of life. I was fighting thoughts of "I wish I were dead".
After much deliberation on why things happened to me and IF I could make the bad things seem less bad if I changed my point of view, I came to the understanding that most of the things that I felt were bad were actually leading me to good things. I locked my keys in a room and needed to get help, the delay caused me to be at the right place at the right time later. So my new motto was "look for the greater good". This began to slowly change how I saw things. In about a years time I gave my life to Christ and things just continued to improve...not really but my view on them did. I had just as many instances to become depressed and complain. Instead of complaining I began to look at how what I was going through could help others and how it may have helped me or may be working some kind of needed change in me. Life was good. I had deep loss and hurt in my life but I got through because Christ was carrying me and I had my arms wrapped tightly around His neck and I would not let go.
I hadn't lived by Murphy's Law for years and then my husband and I moved away from family. I was actually excited about the move at first, then scared, then excited again...it was a roller coaster. I was looking forward to us both learning to lean on each other as we had both been so close to our families, which was good, but we were not allowing ourselves to cleave to each other. Blessing upon blessing was poured out in God type ways, checks in the mail, refunds, rebates, discounts etc. Somehow the impossible purchase of a home and move took place and we were floating down the river of married family life in a boat called God's hand. I would listen to people complain about the same things I used to complain about and think, "well that still happens to me, but I won't allow it to bother me. No my life is not easy but I trust in knowing God is going to make it work." I can't say I was never judgmental, though I wish I could say that. I fell into that hurting people hurt people category. I was being told my life was easy when it was anything but easy and that annoyed me. I thought "well not everyone vocalizes their problems", when I should have just been supportive and forgiving of their judgment. Yet somehow, someway not yet revealed to me, my husband and I were no longer having all things taken care of the way we had been accustom to. The home we bought we decided we must have had funny glasses on as we hovered over the warped weak floors under the roof that needed replacing soon. We settled for no basement when we had been set on having one, and the garage my husband dreamed of was 3 cars worth of musty moldy leaky poor construction. WHAT WERE WE THINKING? Why couldn't we have waited a while longer, why didn't we see all these issues and at the very least negotiate the price lower?
So we are out on our own away from our family in a town without the conveniences we never knew we would miss and in a home worse than the places we rented. I still had faith God would help us and help us help ourselves, and I still do. No matter the faith, my health was declining and I began to get crushed under tremendous pressure to be everything to everyone even if they never needed me too. I began to pile on things I loved, but those things stole more of me, so I threw on some more things that I loved hoping that would cover the overwhelming feeling of not being good enough. I was hurt and angry...no I am still dealing with hurt and anger. Knowing you need a change and knowing you need to let go is just a couple steps and it is a process. Daily I have been dumped on by health issues, things breaking all around me, people backing out of well made plans, well cared for beloved pets eating the children's toys I can't keep up with and poohing and peeing indoors (so thankful for the carpet cleaner on loan), unplanned for vet visits, pests trying to invade our home, tumble weed dog hair that has to be swept multiple times a day on top of grooming, having it cover clothing that was once clean, children throwing food and drinks, hands in poop, sleepless nights, sickness, appliances acting up, being late and being made late, trying to eat healthy and cheap but being stopped by various unforeseen things, and the list goes on and on. This list was made short because of time, but most days past it would go from one bad thing straight into the next and often while I was still working on the last, and this hadn't stopped since it started over a year ago. In the past I would have thrown my hands up and made a worse mess than I presently had, but I had learned a little between then and now. I learned patience, patience to keep on keeping on, but now I am learning contentment and peace while being patient and I am learning to be angry and sin NOT... Instead of being angry and sinning NOW. For a long time anger has been a hangup I have been letting God work out of me. Constant unrelenting stress and pressure has had me boiling and on the edge and often I have boiled over. But just recently, I have been sensing in my spirit "Don't just take one day at a time, take one moment at a time too."
I had been allowing each day to pile on top of the last, and each moment on top of each other till explosion...everyday explosion. Sadly I can't say for certain I have had one single day go by without some explosion at some point. So today I was tested on this, a lot and I missed it often BUT...there was one glorious moment, I was lifting my daughter's bed while my middle son grabbed out all the toys from underneath and I heard a thud. Clearing the child from under the bed I set the be down and ran to make sure no one was hurt. No one was hurt, my shoe rack had just fallen over and all the shoes were scattered all over and the diaper bag was turned upside down. I was not done with my daughters room overhaul but I took a breath and separated that moment from the other. I did something else I hadn't been doing often because of the reactions of others...I asked for help. The shoe rack was resembled and I went back to cleaning the bedroom. Work load did not change but the reaction did. I did not say " Really??? I haven't even finished the bedroom and I have this to clean up, on top of X, Y Z!!!" ...shortly after writing this portion, I stopped to go make supper. I called out my middle son to help, since he loves to cook. As soon as I called him, my 1 1/2yr old had a leaky diaper...on me. I laughed because I was just talking about taking each moment individually and I was given another chance to do just that.
A day later...
I explained to my husband yesterday that the constant attacks actually have blurred my life so greatly that throughout the day I am not sure what time it is. I wake up and get breakfast and to me it is an hour later and I am making lunch and then another hour and I am preparing supper. I often have missed the timing for prepping meals because in my mind it just feels too soon. I have been told by a family member that my concept of time is way off. I was contributing that to health issues, but I honestly believe it is actually from the amount of work to be done. They say "time flies when you are having fun..." but I think time flies when your nose to the grindstone too.
Through the constant onslaught of little to major disasters, I am learning not only patience, but peace, the ability to take in the sweeter moments and reflect and cherish them even more than I ever had before. It has been taking me so much time to work through how to cope with such tremendous constant attacks but slowly I am getting it. It would be nice if my patience and everyone else patience was like God's!
Several Days later...
The constant attacks are still coming and today as I type this from my house which smells of vinegar...I recall an earlier partial message I saw from Joseph Prince which talked about how the enemy wants to get our focus on ourselves...Is this why the attacks keep coming so constantly no matter my attitude, no matter my devotion etc. I am getting so much worked out of me but I am weak in so many ways and though I somehow keep getting all done that needs to be and keep finding just enough time to refill my tank in the word, I am also on the edge and so moody. This is not my character, yet I have been in this exact battle for over a year and it is so tiring to wake up each day and fight the same fights. I had been warned about not letting the feeling of "ready" stop me from moving forward. All through the Bible men and women were not "ready" but they didn't have to be because it was God who worked through them. Even though I had been warned I was not moving because I did not "feel" ready...I mean I was under so much pressure and so moody, how could God use that? I decided I would never be ready if I was waiting to feel ready. So I stepped out and made my humble small step toward the direction I had been feeling led. My first small step involves a tiny women's Bible Study on learning to be content...it was so fitting for me and must be for others too since they made a Bible Study about it. So I am trying to get into this study and have enough ahead I will not fall behind the other gals who attend. We will gather here at " The home of Vinegar" and we will learn and grow together. My pain is real, the attacks have been constant...but I have to take the focus off of the attacks even if the enemy is now using all five senses to get at me...None the less I will live this...
Reaching Forward to God’s Goal
12 Not that I have already reached the goal or am already fully mature, but I make every effort to take hold of it because I also have been taken hold of by Christ Jesus. 13 Brothers, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, 14 I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus. 15 Therefore, all who are mature should think this way. And if you think differently about anything, God will reveal this also to you. (biblegateway.com)knowing...
2 Corinthians 12:9
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is
perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the
more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me.
Thank You Lord that we rest in You and You are all we need. We are protected and strengthened by You. We delight in You and you have made firm our steps. We give You praise honor and all glory be to You! In Jesus name, Amen
Thank You Lord that we rest in You and You are all we need. We are protected and strengthened by You. We delight in You and you have made firm our steps. We give You praise honor and all glory be to You! In Jesus name, Amen
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Not Alone
Something I am learning through my weaknesses is that the things I sometimes do and say may reflect my heart but only because of the pain and anger from my struggles that is buried deep inside.
I lived a very hurting life before I let Christ in my life and have lived a very hurting life since then as well. The pain is just different. The pain I caused before was either intentional or careless and now it is unintentional and the pain I felt before I would react to in a more noticeably negative way where as now I am not meaning to hurt people when and if I do, and the pain I feel I react to in a good way sometimes and others I bury that pain because I can't seem to get it all out and over to God, I try to let go but it feels tethered to me. Internalizing everything was driving a wedge between me and others. I would hear the things they say about other people and instantly store their words in my head for later use. If I needed to share something weighing on me I will recall the words of others I have stored in my mind and I will not share it with them. I will not share because I do not want to be the next person they are talking about. In honesty though there is not a person I have met that I haven't heard say something about someone(self included), even if it is meant to be harmless, it may never reach the person but it is reaching the ears of the one it is shared with, and whether we want it to or not, what we say will leave a mark about us in their minds.
Being in a lot of support groups I read and hear people say they feel alone. Not alone in the literal sense, this kind of alone is to me the worst kind of alone and I have felt it. One time I can recall was when my middle son began to show signs of Aspergers. I was told by so many, " he needs to be spanked"... " He needs time out..." " He needs consistency." ... "What are you feeding him? He needs gluten free foods...remove the dyes, sugars...etc." and the counsel was endless. See all of these things had already been dealt with by me and a simple "have you tried X" remark would have been well received but often it was not a suggestion it was presented as the " END ALL CURE". I also had people telling me all the things I was doing wrong then when I vented they would say "You are a good mom." Sorry that was not well received...because I was under the impression I was a bad mom since I am doing "X Y Z" wrong... So what I walked away with was..." Do not confide in others because they will only judge you without knowing what you have done and what you go through daily." Leaving me with only God to talk to. I did not say everyone was judging me but it became so frequent I would not allow myself to go to anyone out of fear of being, in my mind, rejected again. God IS all I need, this is true, it just hurts to be here on this earth feeling like I am alone. So when I hear or read others say they are alone, I can't know what they mean, but after I read or hear others respond saying " I am here." or " What do you mean, you talked to me yesterday and got angry and left.", it seems maybe my kind of "alone" is at least similar to theirs. Perhaps people who say they are alone are just hurting and have had bad experiences sharing their pain with those closest to them. Perhaps a lot of us think too much of our own pain to be their for someone we feel may have "less pain"? Or maybe a lot of us feel we need to "fix" people rather than other them a hug or just a " let me pray with you." We are not meant to be "Bob the Builder"...we can't fix it... only God can.
I think about some suicides and wonder...did they feel alone or were they alone. Often the people closest to the suicide victim say " They seemed happy." Again this is not meant for all...but maybe some people "seem happy" because they have learned that a sad face prompts questions they do not want to answer because too often the response has been superficial and demeaning. The wall paper for my pc is a picture of two children holding hands and it says " you are not alone" I have to have this on my pc to remind me...I am not alone. Having Christ in my life has surely saved my life. Some of the things I have felt alone in were too much for me ...alone. Being able to take them to Him and to read His promises to me made all the difference. I stand today a broken person who is so aware of her weaknesses and how she even has more that she hasn't been made aware of, but a person who is made whole through Christ. A person that takes her broken mess to God and allows Him to use her to minister to others with broken messes. Compassion for people who are more than likely misread drives me, but it can be a weakness to as I often defend people to the point I can hurt their attacker too and that is not my intent. Jesus said he without sin cast the first stone and no one could...no one. We all( self included) need to keep that before us, none of us are perfect. Other people are not paper dolls we can dress and place where we think they should go, they are our brothers and sisters and need love and compassion.
So as a person who is the "ear being bent" we need to remember to separate our hurts from the person who is bending our ear and think "how can I best respond in love?" and as a person who is needing to go to others for some release, let us choose wise what we take to them and let us forgive them if they say things which do not set well, and let's not hold on to any words that may sting. Another suggestion I learned from a book by Dr. Townsend and Dr. Cloud was to repeat back to the person what we thought we heard(in a nice tone :) ) and if we were wrong they will correct it and if we were right they often rethink what they have said if they realize it did not come across so nice. Most people want to be seen as nice and compassionate, if they are made aware they have not been they will do their best to rephrase what they say or retract it all together...remember forgiveness is key.
I once drew a picture of a lot of circles and then one darker circle with a sad face. The caption was "In a sea of a million people...I am alone." Let's not be a person that makes others feel alone and let's not allow ourselves to feel alone, we need to reach out and realize most "alone" is only believed and not actual.
Dear God, thank You for Your unfailing Love which fill us all and sustains us in all ways. Help us to carry on in this life and a light and pure heart for Your people, reaching out to help all who need help and showing others the love You have shown to us. In Jesus name, Amen
I lived a very hurting life before I let Christ in my life and have lived a very hurting life since then as well. The pain is just different. The pain I caused before was either intentional or careless and now it is unintentional and the pain I felt before I would react to in a more noticeably negative way where as now I am not meaning to hurt people when and if I do, and the pain I feel I react to in a good way sometimes and others I bury that pain because I can't seem to get it all out and over to God, I try to let go but it feels tethered to me. Internalizing everything was driving a wedge between me and others. I would hear the things they say about other people and instantly store their words in my head for later use. If I needed to share something weighing on me I will recall the words of others I have stored in my mind and I will not share it with them. I will not share because I do not want to be the next person they are talking about. In honesty though there is not a person I have met that I haven't heard say something about someone(self included), even if it is meant to be harmless, it may never reach the person but it is reaching the ears of the one it is shared with, and whether we want it to or not, what we say will leave a mark about us in their minds.
Being in a lot of support groups I read and hear people say they feel alone. Not alone in the literal sense, this kind of alone is to me the worst kind of alone and I have felt it. One time I can recall was when my middle son began to show signs of Aspergers. I was told by so many, " he needs to be spanked"... " He needs time out..." " He needs consistency." ... "What are you feeding him? He needs gluten free foods...remove the dyes, sugars...etc." and the counsel was endless. See all of these things had already been dealt with by me and a simple "have you tried X" remark would have been well received but often it was not a suggestion it was presented as the " END ALL CURE". I also had people telling me all the things I was doing wrong then when I vented they would say "You are a good mom." Sorry that was not well received...because I was under the impression I was a bad mom since I am doing "X Y Z" wrong... So what I walked away with was..." Do not confide in others because they will only judge you without knowing what you have done and what you go through daily." Leaving me with only God to talk to. I did not say everyone was judging me but it became so frequent I would not allow myself to go to anyone out of fear of being, in my mind, rejected again. God IS all I need, this is true, it just hurts to be here on this earth feeling like I am alone. So when I hear or read others say they are alone, I can't know what they mean, but after I read or hear others respond saying " I am here." or " What do you mean, you talked to me yesterday and got angry and left.", it seems maybe my kind of "alone" is at least similar to theirs. Perhaps people who say they are alone are just hurting and have had bad experiences sharing their pain with those closest to them. Perhaps a lot of us think too much of our own pain to be their for someone we feel may have "less pain"? Or maybe a lot of us feel we need to "fix" people rather than other them a hug or just a " let me pray with you." We are not meant to be "Bob the Builder"...we can't fix it... only God can.
I think about some suicides and wonder...did they feel alone or were they alone. Often the people closest to the suicide victim say " They seemed happy." Again this is not meant for all...but maybe some people "seem happy" because they have learned that a sad face prompts questions they do not want to answer because too often the response has been superficial and demeaning. The wall paper for my pc is a picture of two children holding hands and it says " you are not alone" I have to have this on my pc to remind me...I am not alone. Having Christ in my life has surely saved my life. Some of the things I have felt alone in were too much for me ...alone. Being able to take them to Him and to read His promises to me made all the difference. I stand today a broken person who is so aware of her weaknesses and how she even has more that she hasn't been made aware of, but a person who is made whole through Christ. A person that takes her broken mess to God and allows Him to use her to minister to others with broken messes. Compassion for people who are more than likely misread drives me, but it can be a weakness to as I often defend people to the point I can hurt their attacker too and that is not my intent. Jesus said he without sin cast the first stone and no one could...no one. We all( self included) need to keep that before us, none of us are perfect. Other people are not paper dolls we can dress and place where we think they should go, they are our brothers and sisters and need love and compassion.
So as a person who is the "ear being bent" we need to remember to separate our hurts from the person who is bending our ear and think "how can I best respond in love?" and as a person who is needing to go to others for some release, let us choose wise what we take to them and let us forgive them if they say things which do not set well, and let's not hold on to any words that may sting. Another suggestion I learned from a book by Dr. Townsend and Dr. Cloud was to repeat back to the person what we thought we heard(in a nice tone :) ) and if we were wrong they will correct it and if we were right they often rethink what they have said if they realize it did not come across so nice. Most people want to be seen as nice and compassionate, if they are made aware they have not been they will do their best to rephrase what they say or retract it all together...remember forgiveness is key.
I once drew a picture of a lot of circles and then one darker circle with a sad face. The caption was "In a sea of a million people...I am alone." Let's not be a person that makes others feel alone and let's not allow ourselves to feel alone, we need to reach out and realize most "alone" is only believed and not actual.
Dear God, thank You for Your unfailing Love which fill us all and sustains us in all ways. Help us to carry on in this life and a light and pure heart for Your people, reaching out to help all who need help and showing others the love You have shown to us. In Jesus name, Amen
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
The stretch to love
Love Your Enemies (Luke 6)
27 “But I say to you who listen: Love your enemies, do what is good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If anyone hits you on the cheek, offer the other also. And if anyone takes away your coat, don’t hold back your shirt either. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, and from one who takes your things, don’t ask for them back. 31 Just as you want others to do for you, do the same for them. 32 If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. 33 If you do what is good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do what is good, and lend, expecting nothing in return. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is gracious to the ungrateful and evil. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.
Yesterday, going through my mind was to love those who don't love me, what good is it to just love those who love me, because even "sinners"(those who sin intentionally) love those who love them.
It is one of the hardest things for me to do. I can be nice and not repay evil for evil without a hitch. I have no mean intentions in my body, praise God I have enough to work on...but to actually care for and think of someone who doesn't love me and hurts me intentionally, well that is a lot to ask...but it's good. My day stayed on the theme of loving those who don't love me and I finished the day reading from a book by Debi Pearl. She wrote "...consider the other person's welfare; you need to be mindful of the other person's perspective and weakness. I often have little to no trouble thinking about the people I do not know and their weakness and perspective, granting them grace and making a million and one possible excuses for them in my mind. It is much harder however, to excuse what I know. If I know a person is often rude to others because I have witnessed it, then it is harder to let it slide if they appear to be rude to me. It is harder to trust someone I know has lied multiple times, even harder to smile around them and be joyful.
I have not had a breakthrough per say but I do realize that my joy should not be wrapped up in how I am treated by others.
(in Heaven)
The opportunity to lose my joy while trying to be joyful through any trial is ever evident but must be fought. We weren't given armor to have something to look fabulous in, it is a functional piece.
" We stand and lift up our hands for the joy of the Lord is our strength."
https://youtu.be/x_bEzvAHbvo
Lord thank You for the joy You pour out on us, help us to receive this joy and store it in our hearts and shine out for all to see Your glory and may our joy and strength serve as a testimony to You and Your goodness. In Jesus name, Amen,
27 “But I say to you who listen: Love your enemies, do what is good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If anyone hits you on the cheek, offer the other also. And if anyone takes away your coat, don’t hold back your shirt either. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, and from one who takes your things, don’t ask for them back. 31 Just as you want others to do for you, do the same for them. 32 If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. 33 If you do what is good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do what is good, and lend, expecting nothing in return. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is gracious to the ungrateful and evil. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.
Yesterday, going through my mind was to love those who don't love me, what good is it to just love those who love me, because even "sinners"(those who sin intentionally) love those who love them.
It is one of the hardest things for me to do. I can be nice and not repay evil for evil without a hitch. I have no mean intentions in my body, praise God I have enough to work on...but to actually care for and think of someone who doesn't love me and hurts me intentionally, well that is a lot to ask...but it's good. My day stayed on the theme of loving those who don't love me and I finished the day reading from a book by Debi Pearl. She wrote "...consider the other person's welfare; you need to be mindful of the other person's perspective and weakness. I often have little to no trouble thinking about the people I do not know and their weakness and perspective, granting them grace and making a million and one possible excuses for them in my mind. It is much harder however, to excuse what I know. If I know a person is often rude to others because I have witnessed it, then it is harder to let it slide if they appear to be rude to me. It is harder to trust someone I know has lied multiple times, even harder to smile around them and be joyful.
I have not had a breakthrough per say but I do realize that my joy should not be wrapped up in how I am treated by others.
James 1:2(HCSB)
Trials and Maturity
2 Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials,Hebrews 10:34 (HCSB)
34 For you sympathized with the prisoners and accepted with joy the confiscation of your possessions, knowing that you yourselves have a better and enduring possession(in Heaven)
The opportunity to lose my joy while trying to be joyful through any trial is ever evident but must be fought. We weren't given armor to have something to look fabulous in, it is a functional piece.
" We stand and lift up our hands for the joy of the Lord is our strength."
https://youtu.be/x_bEzvAHbvo
Lord thank You for the joy You pour out on us, help us to receive this joy and store it in our hearts and shine out for all to see Your glory and may our joy and strength serve as a testimony to You and Your goodness. In Jesus name, Amen,
Saturday, March 14, 2015
"Easy for you to say..."
"Easy for you to say!" I have said that before and I can tell you for me personally the people I have said this to and the people I have often just thought this about are people who had an easy time being able to say what they said.
This is not about the few people born with a silver spoon in their mouth, this is about the people with a good work ethic, goals and plans they put in place and achieve.
Unfortunately I am a person whose natural tendency is to analyze every detail of conversations. I often insert things I have heard a person say before, into the conversation when it was never said and maybe never implied. I get angry with people when they have not said anything to anger me. I do this simply based on what I THINK they are thinking....which is based on past reactions and situations. Today I found myself doing this nasty habit yet again and in my mind I spoke for someone by saying... " Easy for you to say." in response to my comment. At that moment my thoughts went to.."No, NO, No it is NOT easy for me to say. I just made different choices than you. I worked my tail off for someone to be able to look at the surface picture and say " Easy for you to say." Then I was reminded of all the times I have actually said this to people. I recalled the faces of some of them and thought on how they just chose different than I did. One of these people may say to me, " You should really go on vacation! You could really use it. I know it helped me to take a break and get away." to which my internal response would be " Easy for you to say, you have money to take a vacation. You don't know hard it is for us." Well the truth may be they DON'T know how hard it is for us, but the truth is also I don't know how hard it was for them to get to that point of being able to take vacations. How much they sacrificed during the years I was "living large". On my path I worked my tail to the bone, but I didn't go without to save of a rainy day, I had all kinds of clothes, I had a nice car with a big payment, a mortgage I couldn't handle and I loved to eat out. I invested NOTHING. I spent the years I should have been saving for a rainy day living like I did have a silver spoon in my mouth. So times have been hard...but they are hard because I made poor choices. I have no right saying something is easy for someone else, just as others have no right to say the same about me.
In this world in general we have eyes to see with...to take the steps we need to take to move when we need to get out of the way etc. But often we use our eyes to focus on each other and see where the other one is going. Perhaps if we kept our eyes on our own path we would have a better path. Perhaps our time would be spent more wisely and perhaps we wouldn't think we needed all the extras we think we need. Just food for thought, and I'm thinking.
[ Do Not Judge ] “Do not judge, so that you won’t be judged.
This is not about the few people born with a silver spoon in their mouth, this is about the people with a good work ethic, goals and plans they put in place and achieve.
Unfortunately I am a person whose natural tendency is to analyze every detail of conversations. I often insert things I have heard a person say before, into the conversation when it was never said and maybe never implied. I get angry with people when they have not said anything to anger me. I do this simply based on what I THINK they are thinking....which is based on past reactions and situations. Today I found myself doing this nasty habit yet again and in my mind I spoke for someone by saying... " Easy for you to say." in response to my comment. At that moment my thoughts went to.."No, NO, No it is NOT easy for me to say. I just made different choices than you. I worked my tail off for someone to be able to look at the surface picture and say " Easy for you to say." Then I was reminded of all the times I have actually said this to people. I recalled the faces of some of them and thought on how they just chose different than I did. One of these people may say to me, " You should really go on vacation! You could really use it. I know it helped me to take a break and get away." to which my internal response would be " Easy for you to say, you have money to take a vacation. You don't know hard it is for us." Well the truth may be they DON'T know how hard it is for us, but the truth is also I don't know how hard it was for them to get to that point of being able to take vacations. How much they sacrificed during the years I was "living large". On my path I worked my tail to the bone, but I didn't go without to save of a rainy day, I had all kinds of clothes, I had a nice car with a big payment, a mortgage I couldn't handle and I loved to eat out. I invested NOTHING. I spent the years I should have been saving for a rainy day living like I did have a silver spoon in my mouth. So times have been hard...but they are hard because I made poor choices. I have no right saying something is easy for someone else, just as others have no right to say the same about me.
In this world in general we have eyes to see with...to take the steps we need to take to move when we need to get out of the way etc. But often we use our eyes to focus on each other and see where the other one is going. Perhaps if we kept our eyes on our own path we would have a better path. Perhaps our time would be spent more wisely and perhaps we wouldn't think we needed all the extras we think we need. Just food for thought, and I'm thinking.
[ Do Not Judge ] “Do not judge, so that you won’t be judged.
17 He who, passing by, stops to meddle with strife that is none of his business is like one who takes a dog by the ears.
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